Open Letter to a Depressed Friend.

Hey you,

First, I want you to know how much everyone in your life loves you.

I know you feel like the entire universe rests on your shoulder. And you don't know how to balance it. You don't know if and when it is going eventually crush you.

I know it feels like nothing you do ends up well. And that despite all your efforts, it feels like you aren't appreciated. And at this point, everything seems bleak. You don't even know if you can get through another day.

I also know that no one knows exactly how you feel. There are no words to express the things going through your mind the ache in your heart. Other people (including me) can't even know how you feel because you don't know yourself. You've tried many things to rid yourself of the emptiness - drugs, sex, sports, adrenaline rush - but all they do is just temporarily fill the void which seem to get bigger by the moment.

So I am not going to tell you how to feel better or to keep your head up because I know none of that matters. What I will do is to tell you how I feel.

I feel like you're a shining star in my life. You may be in the darkest imaginable place but I want, nay NEED you to know that you are the light at the end of tunnel for me. I call you my Abacus because I know I can always count on you. I can always be vulnerable and my silly self around you. We can have a conversation about movies and switch the next minute to talking about politics in the 1800s without skipping a beat. Point is you're fucking amazing!

I feel like you're one of the bravest people I know. One of the strongest too. The fact that you have all these undefinable things going on in your head yet you still manage to leave your bed and face the world every day. You wear a smiley mask every morning and swim against life currents and the occasional tree trunks that add insult to injury. I feel like you think you're a burden to people around you. So you don't complain or vent and just hold in it. But I need you to know that I am here for a reason. When I tell you that I am always here for you, it's not just to be nice, I really mean it.

I want you to know that I will always be here for you no matter what. My phone lines are always available for you even at 2 o'clock in the morning. My door is also always open to you. I don't claim to know the right things to say but I'll always find a way to cheer you up. I could sing to you in my horrible voice (Dad once said I sounded like a frog), or dance shaku shaku for you... I'll listen to you vent or rant about anything, offer my shoulder and hug you tight.

You're an amazing person and even if you can't see that now, I'm sure you will soon. You deserve to know how important you are to the people around you.

I don't want you to think you're irreplaceable, you're not.
I don't want your failures to define who you are...
I don't want you to ever wonder if you should be in the world.

And if you ever think you have no reason to be alive, think of me. I need you here. I always have, and I always will.

Signed,
A concerned friend.